Okay,
I was feeling sorta frustrated the other day. I was painting and it felt like I was doing so much but not doing anything.
And I was like.. what is the nature of this acitivty?
I soon remembered why I decided to paint in the first place. i come from a background in photography and it became terrible.
I find the painting/photo dichotomy to be similar to the male - female orgasm. This will perhaps help to explain my choice.
This is not an all encompassing analogy.
The male orgasm is fast and short lived and in my opinion unsatisfying compared to that of the female orgasm. based upon my speculation.
The female orgasm seems likely to be more fluid and prolonged... For this reason it seems attractive by comparison .
Painting is feminine in this context. It does not explode with a bang and die with a whimper the way a camera creates an image or a male exerts his seed.
The female orgasm instead is cultivated and sustained and renews itself with the proper care? The satisfaction to be gained is spread and felt through many moments in time as opposed to just one.
This is true of the act of painting and the potential experience of its careful observation.
On other hand. Male ejaculation= rude camera flash.
But also beautiful and life forming..
I decided to paint because I was tired of amassing so many images that could be created and deleted in an instant. It was and is dizzying. Painting on the other hand...
What better antidote to this world of fast paced unlimited imagery?
how can we cut through this blaring noise of images and focus and extend and swim and float in experience? Photos will always demand more photos but painting does this to a lesser extent in my opinion. Paintings comprise many moments.
This is why I am aspiring to become a gardener as I paint.
During this moment of frustration I considered how a garden grows. The element of control that is ceded by the gardener. And the patience demanded.
The gardener is very much a herder in the sense that they harness and guide natural forces and energies to a fruition that is of a natural design. Gardening is slow. You provide conditions/context for natural unconscious forces to operate over time.
At times I imagine painting to be a virile male, swinging dick kind of thing, we have plenty of Picassos and pollacks who exude this quality and it is intimidating. You gaze upon a painting and it is all there all at once, it can be hard to forget that it wasn't also created all at once.... like a photograph
Certain artists feed on that spontaneity and speed, I do as well but it creates an anxiety when the process takes longer than a second.
This is why gardening analogy.
Every Gardner is a partner of nature. Creatives know their best ideas come from a mysterious but natural place. What could likely be the same energy ball that makes the planets move and the sun shine and photosynthesis etc. we breathe this air and thoughts land in our brains without us handling them with our hands. Where do they come from? Whose hands handle them?
Creating is more than eureka ejaculation . it's letting sun in, watering roots, allowing for ideas to grow. It doesn't happen all at once . Time time etc. And that is what i need to remind myself of constantly these days.
I've spent much of the last few months creating the conditions for creativity. I have so much energy stored but so little has grown from this place, this rocky hole patch that I want and need to bear fruit.
But with patience and care I might be able to make a few seconds worth of good art.
Love
👩🌾
Jack
Sta
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